Tag Archive | "link"

How To Suck At SEO

Here are some tips to assist a really great website become even better.

1. The Latest Grey-hat Wheeze.

Link farms, scraping, fake directories; no matter it’s, get in there! If a newbie webmaster forum is buzzing regarding it, that is the time to require it up. Put it on your main breadwinner, and sit up for the hits to return in.

2. Over-optimisation.

Give the search engines what they want. Build damn sure they recognize what the page is about. Seven word image names, 10 word ALT tags, hidden text, 3 H1 tags, that’ll tell the b**tards. Prime of Google’s 1st page for you. Your clients swoon at your mAd skILLz. Respec’!

3. No Optimisation.

Google is run by Gods with brains the size of watermelons. Their algorithm is sentient. Whatever tricks you try won’t work. So don’t try any. And when your website gets booted in the following update anyway, defend their right to try to to so, piously.

4. Content Generators.

Life’s short. Therefore much work, thus several Stargate downloads to watch. Automate your content generation. Software is there to form life easier. Slap together RSS feeds, auto-generated text, free articles and Wikipedia pulls. Monetise with Adsense. Repeat for 300,000 pages. Is it time for that Pot Noodle? It’s _always_ time!

5. Reciprocal links.

Google loves links, and it’s too laborious to get them unasked for. Thus ask! Send out 5000 emails cadging links to your .info domain. Don’t hassle proof-reading it, they will solely skim it. When they conform to a swop, you’ll be too busy to reciprocate. That’ll be a one-means link, then, ha ha!

Those sweeties at Google don’t mind reciprocal links. Lots of famous sites interlink, thus yours should be OK too. WebDevDood on http://Leetwebforum.com said so.

6. Low original-to-duplicate content ratio.

Individuals do not read. Original content is just too expensive to make. The Google algorithm ain’t all that. 200 words surrounded by the same header, footer and sidebars during a 20,000 page website will keep them coming back back once more and again. Have a pop tart.

7. CMS with same TITLE and no META description on each page.

There are therefore few pages on the web nowadays that you’ll use any open-supply CMS as-is. Just founded your forum, slap on the Adsense, let your guests witter away, sit back and stay up for the search engine lurrrve! You dangerous boy, have another Red Bull, you deserve it!

8. As a result of _they_ weren’t penalised, you won’t be.

Thus several webmasters say their site has X or Y, and Google didn’t mind, however funnily enough, _you_ got busted for it. Their content, backlinks, and web site structure should be the identical as yours, then, eh? Spooky!

9. Huge range of recent links, in a short time, to a replacement domain.

DevWebDood says that if http://MySpace.com will get a million backlinks in an exceedingly short area of your time and not be penalised, then therefore will you. Just set up a travel or hotel web site, be part of the Co-op and LinkVault, do a blog spam and watch your web site race up the SERPs.

Thus what if it’s nowhere located next month? Better the fleeting taste of victory, than never having tried at all!

10. Got banned? Provide ‘em Hell regarding it!

Write an extended email to Google. State how great your web site is, how they’re hurting your business, and how _you’re_ doing _them_ a favour by letting them list it. Admit no fault, it shows weakness.

Then get on as many forums as you’ll be able to complaining concerning how the SERPs suck, how – insert famous site here – is doing simply what you probably did, and _they’re_ still in.

Google will be thus hurt and ashamed, they will allow you to back in, and dial back that nasty update. You told _them_, o.k.!

I write these articles for fun. Pay no attention to my byline, and do not visit my site.

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